Faith over Fear

Have you ever wanted something so badly but when it came within your grasp, you turned away in fear?

Lately, I’ve been letting my fear trump my ambitions for nursing school. I even choose to give up on pursuing it because I was uncertain that I’d even get into a program! I’ve been scared of failure, rejection, and choosing a path that I won’t succeed at in life. I’ve been over-analyzing, questioning, mulling, pondering and making a decision only to change it a day later. I ask myself, can I handle the highs and lows? Will my Do I truly have the heart for this profession?

What I was not asking myself in the waves of doubt & fear was why would I NOT pursue this path? What about me would not be qualified? I know I would show up everyday and give a damn about my patients, no matter what, so why would I not even try? It was from the help of a nursing friend that made me realize I was letting my FEAR strangle me. I was letting fear and doubt control my mind, my thoughts and even my decisions. I then thought, wow, if fear & doubt can harness my mind to this extent, think of how many other people have let theirs do the same. Think of how many people haven’t pursued their dreams because of FEAR!

One thing I know for certain is that I’m not okay with complacency or wondering what my life would have been like if I had simply tried.

Last week, I had submitted application materials to a different course of study (therapy) because I knew I’d be comfortable with it and it doesn’t intimidate me like nursing does. I have no idea why I feel that way because I definitely don’t see therapy as a lesser profession! So I had decided I would apply since I had all prereqs complete and had already been accepted once before. I felt good about it and was using it as a safety net so I didnt to face rejection of not getting into a nursing program. And it was right after I submitted all my materials that I experienced a Divine Intervention. I got a phone call from William Jewell (my first choice for nursing) asking to set up an interview with me. I was suddenly not able to say no. I kept thinking, this is what I wanted so badly! Why am I giving up this option? Is that really what I want? I couldn’t say I wasn’t interested anymore; I had this notion within in me to say yes but still felt so unsure.

I was unexplainably emotional after the phone call. I felt like this is my fate calling. This is a sign! Therapy didn’t work out before and here I am again, trying to take fate in my own hands but God has a plan for me or I wouldn’t be considering nursing and setting up an interview! I strongly believe in fate and that everything happens the way it is supposed to. My heart is set on defending and advocating for my patients more than anything, and I have to accept that I am cut out for nursing no matter how intimidating it will be.

I don’t know we doubt ourselves the way we do and let fear take away from our potential. But I am done letting my fear make my decisions. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. I’ve been abandoned by my mother, dealt with drug addiction in my immediate family, witnessed cancer steal the lives of my cousin in his young twenties, and my grandmother who was the only mother I ever had. I’ve been left at the babysitters for 4 days straight, being forced to wear the same clothes to school and being made fun of by my classmates while in the “care” of my mother who went MIA doing God knows what. I was changing my sister’s diapers at less than 5 years old and took responsibility for feeding her and I because my mother laid in bed sleeping all day. I attended 4 different elementary schools because of parental custody battles, and hated school growing up. I was failing multiple subjects and almost held back because I had missed more than an month’s worth of school. I was at a 3rd grade reading level in the 5th grade. I had no friends and didn’t ever get to play sports or extra curricular activities, until living with my grandmother. And you know what? I turned out to be a decent human being after all of that, so I know I can conquer anything life throws my way.

I truly believe my upbringing has inspired me to be the hope in peoples lives. Someone like my grandma and how she offered hope in mine. My grandma saved me; she was like my guardian angel here on earth, and she instilled many of life’s valuable lessons within me. She made sure I had my needs met and did whatever she could to ensure I thrived. And in life, we all need someone to fight for us and someone there for us so we know we are not alone. So I want to be a nurse to do just that. I am that person who cares deeply, protects fiercely, and nags because I care. And it’s why I know I have what it takes, even after all my doubts and fears trying to tell me I could fail and that it’s going to be difficult.

I know this is long and if you’ve even made it to this point I’m glad you’re still reading. I just hope to inspire someone who needs to be reminded of their potential and their worth. We all have faced hard battles and we have grown strong because of it. So whatever it is you’re scared of, just face that fear and use it as fuel. Let your faith and goals be bigger than your fears! It truly is the killer of all dreams, y’all. Don’t let it stop you from whatever it is you want to do with your life.

My nursing interview is Thursday with William Jewell College! I’m praying to the Good Lord to give me strength and courage to succeed in it. Where He leads, I will follow. I’m taking the plunge and ready for what lies ahead.

Xoxo Danielle

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Writing, nursing, life lately, etc.

The other day I found an old diary of mine and I thought, “I really want to write more, why don’t I write anymore?” I took a few minutes to flip through the pages and reimagine that time in my life when I wrote the words on the pages. My journal began during my freshman year of college and actually wrote in it semi-consistently for about 8 months. I relived days of happiness and even days of stress and frustration. I relished the posts about the time I spent with my grandma and even my cousin; both who are no longer here anymore because of cancer. Although bittersweet to read, I’m so glad I wrote those small details down.

So here I am, committing to writing more, and planning to write more posts weekly. I just think it’s amazing how we can keep online diaries in the form of blogs and share what’s going on in our lives. I loved writing in my hardback journal everyday even though I never knew if anyone would ever read it. And I get the same feeling typing in my blog. Who knows who will read it, and will they even care? But that’s the beauty of writing. For me, writing is an outlet, just like reading a great novel.

Today is my last day of spring classes and this semester will be memorable for me. The class I took was great but it’s really because of the time I spent this winter/spring mulling over career choices. I have a passion for many things and a highly creative mind but because of my constant over-analyzing, I’ve second guessed myself for a long time. I ask myself, would I be good at this? will I like what I am doing? Is there room for growth, advancement, etc? And i’ve shadowed a few different career choices in healthcare to narrow my selection, too. Many were happy when I decided to pursue nursing, some surprised. I’ve not always known I wanted to be a nurse but I know I would be good at it. I have known that I belong in healthcare because I genuinely care about people and want to help them. I want to educate people and promote health/wellness; two topics that I’m truly passionate about.

I just submitted the majority of my materials to my top two college choices this month, and I will hear back in the summer and fall. I’m extremely nervous and have been praying I get news that will allow me to start. If I get into my first school choice, I could be taking my NCLEX by summer of 2020. It’s exciting and frightening at the same time but I pray for this because I want my husband to have a normal life again. He works so hard for us and is constantly staying late to get over-time while I take classes and pursue nursing school. I’m so grateful to him and so proud of his hard work for us!

Anyway, besides wrapping up the academic semester and submitting nursing application materials, we’ve just been enjoying the nice weather. Jared’s been hunting for morel mushrooms the past weekend and a couple days after work. I try to take my dogs walking more often so they can expend some energy and I get some needed vitamin D lol This summer I plan to read a few books, visit farmer’s markets on the weekend’s, and do some much needed yard work and landscaping. What are your summer plans? Any vacations planned? Let me know in the comments.

xoxo Danielle

Amazon Dash Buttons: A Must Have

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It’s easy to order dash buttons (like the one pictured above) and also to modify/add buttons
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Ordering essential products is a breeze; just 1 click of a button and you have it in 2 days or less

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I use my buttons for essential items we tend to go through frequently so we never run out when they’re needed most!

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Located in our cabinet under the kitchen sink ,where we store these products

WHY I LOVE AMAZON DASH BUTTONS

Recently I decided to try out Amazon’s Dash Button service, since I am a loyal Amazon buyer and wanted to give it a shot. I am always ordering things on Amazon because I love the free two-day shipping with Prime. If it doesn’t have prime, I don’t buy it! lol So, I bought 6 dash buttons for our home to start. I have a goal to update my readers more frequently on products/services I’ve tried because I know how much I personally love reading testimonials! That being said, here’s what I think about the Dash service:

FAST

Again – super fast delivery, with constant tracking updates. When I start to notice I am getting low on something, I go ahead and push the button and voilà! It’s ordered and will be here within 2 days. This is great for items like dish washer detergent, laundry detergent, TP, toothpaste, etc. that you may forget to grab when out and about, but don’t want to run out of!

CONVENIENT

Because even though Target run’s are fun, sometimes it’s not always doable with a busy schedule. Especially when you’re sticking to a budget. This keeps me from overspending because typically if I have to get “just a few things,” I end up with MANY things I don’t need! lol

BACKSTOCK

Ok, when I first set up my dash buttons with TP and paper towels, the only options were like 2 packs of 6-12 rolls which is a lot! BUT I think this is perfect because it gives you plenty of extra so you don’t have to buy these products again for awhile. We typically buy TP and paper towels 1x a month, so this option will extend us to 2 months at a time. So that’s 6x less a year I have to worry about essential household items!

MY DASH BUTTONS

I ordered TideBountyBurt’s BeesGladColgate, and Charmin for laundry soap, paper towels, face wipes/chapstick, trash bags, toothpaste, and toilet paper.

There are hundreds of dash buttons to choose from and the best part is that you get to choose what each one orders when you set it up, so it’s custom to your needs. I highly recommend and will continue to reorder products from them. Oh and one other part is that each button itself costs $4.99 and then once you place your first order from that button, you get it credited back off your purchase. So they pay for themselves.

Stay tuned for later this week, I am going to do a beauty review. I’ve been trying out several long-lasting lipsticks and I’ve found some great ones!

xo -Danielle